What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 03.07.2025 00:00

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

I was scared of men, in general

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

How do you like to be pegged?

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

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Im dying but, im not bitter.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

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He knew the spot.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

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The only rule us 5 kids had .

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Are democrats eating crow?

She married twice! .

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

On the 31st of Jan this month .

How do people move on so quickly? I’m still sprung over someone I was dating and he found someone else so fast. I feel hurt because I’m still head over heels over him while he’s out enjoying his life with someone new

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

She wouldn,t have been !

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My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

Will my 9 year old face more difficulties than most girls her age if she’s an early bloomer? My daughter already needs regular B cup bras. The doctor says that my daughter will be even more developed by 11-12 years of age.

I was very sick at this time too.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

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But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

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My life is so biszare .

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

What is a sermon to talk about men?

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

We were not on the streets..

I don,t even have a pension.

I have no regrets .

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

She was in good health!

He resisted the act ,that day.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

They are buried together, in the same grave..

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

It was going to be , some day.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Would this be the day?

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

All the time i was locked up.

But ive been too sick for many years..

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

(And it was in our own minds.)

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

My family never makes their pension either.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Who then, do I blame.?

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

But, we were locked up after school.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I write beautiful poetry .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

One cannot live in the past .

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

But it wasn’t much.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Put me off passion for life!!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I said to her

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Why did i forgive my father ?

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

So whats the point in blame.

I could never make a relationship work though!

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Im still living with it.

Ive learnt so much.

When she asked me how she looked .

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

I was seconnd youngest,

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I think the readers, may guess!

What did i know ?

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I waited trembling.

I couldn’t, believe it.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

She loved him until the end.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Was to survive, this bastard.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

She found it foreign!.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

This is soul school!.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

I will be 64.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Especially a lifetime of it.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

And who doesn’t know suffering?

We all went to grammer schools

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

I did it because my mum asked me too!

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

I was 9 years of age.

So, i spoilt her more .

I never cut or harmed myself..

And i lived it daily.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Comes on , in middle age.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .